{THE AND} Family: The Freedom to Be - Releasing Expectations in Parenthood

They say that being a mother is one of the most difficult, beautiful, and rewarding jobs in life. I personally have never experienced it, but honestly, I can’t wait to do so in the near future.

However, there is one thing I need to master psychologically before I set myself up for the most important task of them all: parental expectations.

A few articles ago, I mentioned a man who would change the way I see the world forever, Agustín Tello, the best teacher I’ve ever had. And I remember very vividly a particular subject he’d talk about from time to time, especially relevant as I think about becoming a parent. He would tell us that if we wished to be parents one day, we’d need to get rid of expectations. This really intrigued me, and the more he explained why, the more I understood and agreed.

I can’t remember his exact words – he was brilliant with the way he put sentences together, a true narrative magician. But basically, he explained that when we have expectations of our children, we’re putting them in boxes and cages that they might not want to be in. For the most part, people raise their children to be better than them, more successful than them, happier than them, etc. But every mind is a world of its own, and no matter how we try to raise them, what we try to teach them, or what we want to give them, they will have desires, goals, ambitions, and mistakes of their own, and we absolutely cannot prevent this.

The hardest part of being a parent is letting them be, letting them make their own mistakes, letting them know the world and build their own beliefs instead of trying to forcefully install what we believe in ourselves. They need to experience life through their own eyes, not ours.

What if they don’t want to be number one in sports, in arts, at their jobs, or in anything at all? What if their wish is to live a quiet and simple life? What if they want the opposite? What if they don’t know what they want and figure it out along the way? What if it takes them their whole lives to do so? We can’t do anything but be there for them. Presence, unconditional support, and unconditional love are the three things that we can do to keep them company and be a source of strength when they need it, but that’s pretty much it. This is something I deeply reflect on as I consider the future of my own family relationships.

My parents are my best friends, and even then, they could never mold my thoughts, save me from “bad” experiences, teach me solely through their own experiences, or make me want what they wanted. I was always my own self, and eventually, they understood that. This brought us to have an incredibly honest, transparent, fun, loving, and safe relationship, a better parent-child bond than most people I know have with their own parents. And that’s the kind of mother I aspire to be, one that lets my children experience the world as it is, “good” and “bad” (I don’t believe in such things).

Dani and Kate’s conversation is a beautiful example of a complicated mother-daughter relationship in Dani’s teenage years that blossomed into a wonderful and unbreakable bond. How? Kate gave her daughter enough space to experience the world through her own eyes, to choose her own path, her own tribe. If you want to witness a beautiful mother-daughter relationship and feel moved and inspired by two incredibly strong and self-aware women, don’t miss today’s release: I Feel So Lucky That You’re My Mom | {THE AND} Dani & Kate. This truly highlights the power of unconditional love in family.

Let’s venture into the journey of parenthood from an open-minded place, ready to embrace whoever and whatever our children want to be. Let’s have the conversations that matter and make a difference in our family relationships. If you want to explore your own family relationships, grab {THE AND} Family Edition in physical or digital format and have the conversations that will transform your relationships forever. You can also check out the digital bundle for the Parenthood Edition here.

Let’s keep changing the world one conversation at a time.

With love,Regina Zuniga
The Skin Deep Digital Content Specialist