{THE AND} Couples: The Unseen Contract - What You Really Sign When You Say "I Do"
Marriage is more than a license; it's an unseen contract filled with unspoken agreements that shift with joy, pain, and the messy in-between. Inspired by The Four Seasons and the raw honesty of {THE AND}, let's explore these hidden clauses.
This past weekend, my husband and I escaped into the delightful chaos of The Four Seasons on Netflix. Tina Fey and Steve Carell took us on an emotional rollercoaster that resonated deeply with both of us. It immediately sparked an idea for an article, something that mirrors the raw honesty of our own Emmy-winning documentary series, {THE AND}.
The Four Seasons, much like {THE AND}, isn't afraid to show the messy, uncomfortable, and challenging parts of relationships. It celebrates the joy and love, yes, but it also acknowledges the tedium, the pain, the healing, the friendship, and the sheer work that goes into building a life with someone.
Being married means signing up for so much more than what's on the marriage license. It's about the invisible clauses, the unspoken agreements, sometimes even a telepathic understanding that develops between two people.
How do these unspoken agreements evolve? Can they be renegotiated? As individuals and as a couple, we're constantly changing. How do we navigate external pressures and turn them into opportunities to reshape this unseen love contract? And most importantly, how aware are we of this contract, and how can we bring more intention to its clauses?
I've only been married for six months, but I'm already seeing the outlines of our own invisible contract.
- Responsibilities: Forget traditional roles. My husband and I have an unspoken understanding that we both handle everything: cleaning, cooking, bills, groceries, and even the guinea pig duties. We talked about this early on, but it's evolved naturally.
- Finances: "Mine" and "his" don't exist. Our money is ours. We make financial decisions together, always considering the household, the guinea pigs, and the occasional treat for each other. This was clear from day one.
- Conflict: Growing up in dysfunctional homes taught us the importance of radical honesty and transparent communication. It's a non-negotiable clause in our contract.
These examples might seem basic, but they're the foundation. It's easy to slip into unhealthy routines, which is why this invisible contract needs constant check-ins, evaluations, and adjustments. The Four Seasons beautifully illustrates this, showing the beauty and the pain of commitment, the doubts, the fears, the making amends. And it extends this to parenthood, friendship, and even our relationship with death.
What makes The Four Seasons so compelling is the same quality that shines in Taty & Dante's conversation on {THE AND} — both reveal how relationships must evolve to remain healthy. Just as the characters in the series navigate changing seasons in their relationships, Taty and Dante's intimate dialogue demonstrates how couples can grow together rather than apart, continually renegotiating their invisible contract as life unfolds. Their conversation offers a beautiful blueprint for partnership: two individuals moving as a team, as confidants, as best friends through all of life's inevitable changes.
I highly encourage you to watch The Four Seasons and Taty & Dante’s conversation with your partner. I hope these inspire you to discuss your own invisible contract: What needs to be renegotiated? What needs to be eliminated? What needs to be added?
Another great tool for these sometimes-unimaginable conversations is {THE AND} card games, especially the Couples Edition, the Long Term Couples Edition, and the Healing Edition. They're amazing and much needed conversation starters! Trust me on this one.
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{THE AND} Couples Collection
Let’s keep changing the world one conversation at a time.
With love, Regina Zuniga
The Skin Deep Digital Content Specialist
